What is Relationship Coaching?

Most couples who show up in a therapist’s office are there as a last resort – often because one of them has issued an ultimatum, “You’ll come to marriage counseling with me or I’m leaving you.” Unfortunately, by this time it is sometimes too late. So much emotional pain, trauma, abuse or betrayal may have occurred that the relationship is difficult or impossible to rescue.

In relationship coaching, you can work on refining or redesigning your marriage or partnership, without having to feel that something must be “wrong” with one or both of you. You can improve your communication skills, better understand your partner’s feelings, work on changing some of your own behaviors as well as your partner’s, and discover win-win solutions to troublesome issues. In relationship coaching, you may re-discover some of the reasons that brought you together in the first place – and in the process, rediscover your best selves.

Many couples experience sexual difficulties along with other relationship concerns. As a trained and certified sex therapist, I can also offer coaching suggestions for improving your sexual relationship with your partner and maximizing your own sexual potential. I will, of course, refer you to an appropriate physician if medical causes for sexual difficulties have not been already ruled out, or treated.

How Does it Work?

In relationship coaching, as in all couple therapy, I usually suggest two sessions to do a complete evaluation and set a direction. Before the first session, I will send you an extensive questionnaire which each of you will complete, and mail or e-mail to me separately. This provides me with information about your individual history and the views of each of you on the strengths and weaknesses of the relationship. It also helps me to screen for couples who might be better off in traditional therapy.

In the first session, I interview the two of you together, learning more about the history of your relationship, your problem areas and your goals as a couple, while I also have a chance to observe and get to know you on a personal level. At the end of that session I will usually assign “homework,” generally a written exercise. In the second session, we review the homework and I present my thoughts and ideas about the ways I think I may be helpful in guiding you on your relationship journey.

At that time, we’ll have a better idea about whether coaching is appropriate for you. In some cases, I may recommend more intensive therapy for one or both of you, or a course of traditional couple therapy. In others, we’ll agree on a contract for coaching. This generally means meeting about once a month, with “homework” assignments (some written, some involving behavioral “experiments” to try).

In a typical relationship coaching session, I will ask you to discuss with one another an area of concern (this may or may not be a sexual concern). I will then literally act as coach, helping you to express your feelings and ideas more effectively, listen more actively, and problem-solve to achieve creative solutions to your dilemmas. The session will begin and conclude with discussion of homework assignments.

How Much Does it Cost?

My fee for relationship coaching is $110 for a one-hour session. If I feel you are better suited for traditional therapy, I may be able to work with your health insurance company.